29 Funny Quotes You’re Going To Like

Here is a 29 funny quotes about life, that you absolutly going to love and share.



 

1 – Sometimes i want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

 

2 – Toss your hair in a bun, drink some coffee, put on some gangsta rap and handle it.

 

3 – Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.



 

4 – Remember, if you can’t say something nice … Make it funny.

 

5 – Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

 

6 – What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.

 

7 – I really do deserve more credit for not acting on the evil, twisted thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis.

 

8 – Yesterday’s eyeliner can be todays smokey eye if you believe in yourself.

 

9 – My alone time is for everyone’s safety.

 

10 – What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor.

 

11 – I try not to judge because i’m quite a screwed up myself.

 

12 – Everything happens for a reason. But Sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

 

13 – I’m a huge fan of saying “you’re welcome” really loud when people don’t day thank you.

 

14 – To be honest i’m just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eye liner. Everything.

 

15 – I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.

 

16 – I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that i’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.

 

17 – Is “UGH” an emotion? Because i feel it all the time.

 

18 – I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks. I’m outstanding.

 

19 – Don’t follow my footsteps. I run into walls.

 

20 – I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

 

21 – The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run.

 

22 – Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

 

23 – If you run like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.

 

24 – I’m not arguing, i’m simply explaining why i’m right.

 

25 – Sometimes i have to tell myself it’s just not worth the jail time.

 

26 – Dear life, i have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair. So please stop teaching me that lesson.

 

27 – Some days, i can conquer the world, Other days, it takes me three hours to convince myself to shower.

 

28 – I would like to think i will die a heroic death, but it’s more likely i’ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

 

29 – Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars.

 

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